School Lunch Ladies to Ensure Your Kids' Salad is Legal

FLOTUS Michelle Obama is planning to launch a campaign to put salad bars in schools.

While this might be a worthy goal, and despite the fact that we don't have the money (Whole Foods installed 564 school salad bars with $1.4 million in private donations; you can do the math),the oddest problem that would come from this program is that your salad would have to meet USDA requirements and the "lunch ladies" in school will have to examine your kids lunch to make sure it does.

But schools also are deterred by USDA regulations that require students to pass by a cash register or "point of sale" station after they have been to the salad bar to ensure that they have served themselves the correct portions of fruits and vegetables required under the federal lunch program. ...School menu planners must tell students the minimum amounts they must take from salad bars, cashiers "must be trained to judge accurately the quantities of self-service items," and point-of-sale registers "must be stationed after the salad bar."

How bizarre must that be? Sorry, Timmy; your salad looks lovely, but you need four tomatoes and I only see three. Too much dressing; remove that extra grated cheeses. And you have only 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... five leaves of lettuce. Come on. You got the memo. You need at least eight. I don't care if you don't like romaine! Think of the USDA!

And, I have my doubts that many "elementary school children" would spend much time at the salad bar. Heck, most of them probably can't even see what they are taking.

Concerns have been raised that elementary school children in particular might be prone to spread disease at salad bars because they are too short for the standard "sneeze guard" installed on most salad bars, or because they might use their hands instead of the serving utensils provided.

Ann Cooper (director of nutrition services in Boulder, Colo. schools), who would not comment on the pending White House announcement, has dismissed those concerns, saying, "As far as I’ve found out, there are no documented disease outbreaks from school salad bars. By and large, this is not a high risk area."

OK, then, you allow your kid in line after Ralphie. I'll keep packing my kids' lunches, thank you very much.